5 Roadblocks to Happiness

Sharon Moore May 14, 2014

They say happiness is not a destination. It is a journey. But in every journey, there are roadblocks and potholes along the way. The following things are what usually keep a lot of us from being happy, as well as some important tips to overcome them. Think of them as a big orange cone on the road – giving you warning to have a safe and enjoyable ride.

Unfulfilled Expectations

Humans are all filled with expectations. Whether we deny it or not, we have a set of expectations for ourselves and for other people. We have expectations on how we should act or how successful we should be, and we have expectations on how other people should act and how they should treat us. And there’s no doubt about it – expectations are an important part of life as they help direct the course of our lives and relationships. They push us to be better and go the extra mile to improve ourselves. At the same time, they allow us to set boundaries and maintain healthy relationships.

The problem lies in us attaching our personal happiness to the fulfilment of these expectations that are often out of our control, and the difficulty some of us have in accepting unfulfilled expectations. Loosening our expectations and control allows us to maintain equilibrium and happiness when things don’t go according to our plans.

Toxic Anger

Trying to be happy when you are full of rage is impossible. Experiencing intense anger on a daily basis is unhealthy and deprives us from happiness. If you are having problems controlling your anger, it is always a good idea to seek help from a professional therapist. Other ways to help manage feelings of anger include learning to talk about your feelings in a reasonable and civil manner, managing your stress better, learning to forgive and forget, and practising relaxation techniques like mindful breathing.

Resentment

Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, results from unexpressed or unresolved anger. Whenever we feel we’ve been treated unfairly, judged, or wronged, we have a very powerful internal reaction. Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the world from a healthy, balanced perspective. Whilst staying physically angry for long is impossible, feelings of resentment may last for years, even for a lifetime.

Acknowledging your emotion is not only liberating and necessary, but also helps us get rid of the negativity which we may be subconsciously holding on to. Communicating your feelings is the next step towards dealing with resentment. It’s true – it takes huge strength and courage to express and communicate our pain to the people who hurt us. But when we communicate painful emotions, we take a step outside of our comfort zone and into a wonderful learning and growth opportunity. Last is to practise forgiveness. When we commit to expressing ourselves fully, we become stronger, more confident, and more aware.

Unresolved Relationship Issues

We are social beings so it is natural for us to seek and maintain companionship. But maintaining relationships with others isn’t that easy. Still, we should all strive hard to resolve every conflict, big or small, that our relationships encounter. Take time to examine your expectations, grudges, stresses and unresolved relationships in your life. Consciously evaluating these four aspects in your life and making small steps to address them can greatly contribute to your overall happiness.

Loneliness

Loneliness is an absence of an emotional connection with the world around you. You can be lonely in in the middle of a crowd, and not feel lonely when you’re by yourself. Happiness is more about belonging than about having money, power, and success. Reconnecting with others and opening yourself towards other people is one way to counter loneliness. Meet new friends, volunteer in a community outreach programme, sign up for a yoga class, join a civic group, attend religious services, or become a member of a hobby club. Loneliness is easy to overcome; you just have to give yourself a chance.