5 Insights That Make Forgiving Easier

Amy Taylor March 13, 2014

We all struggle with saying “sorry” sometimes. But it seems that forgiving is much harder than asking for forgiveness. This is very true especially if that person has caused you so much pain. Think about that person who betrayed you, the people you treated as real friends but turned their back on you, and all those who hurt you in significant ways. Yeah. Just thinking about them can bring back all the pain.

Even forgiving ourselves is very difficult. You may have done a big mistake in the past which led to undesirable outcomes that led you to become harsh on yourself.

But did you know that forgiving is one of the keys to good health and happiness? Research has shown that we have lower stress levels, tension and risk of depression and anxiety when we forgive. What’s more, forgiving redeems us from anger which, according to numerous studies, can be toxic to our mental and physical health and increase our risk of developing cardiovascular disease.

But just knowing that forgiveness is good for you doesn’t make it easy to forgive. So here are some important insights that can get you closer to forgiving others and yourself:

Forgiveness is a process. You can’t just push yourself to forgive right then and there. It is a process. And even though you can’t completely forgive a person, you can work to get closer to do so.

Forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes courage to forgive someone. And only strong people are able to do it.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget. You can learn to forgive yet remember quite well, especially if you have been through a very traumatic experience. People who have been severely abused and neglected are less likely to forget, but through time and therapy, they can learn to forgive.

It doesn’t depend on anyone else. You can’t always expect the person who has hurt you to fully understand that he or she has wronged you and needs to apologise. They may never admit that they did anything problematic at all. Don’t be sad. That’s okay. You don’t need their “sorries” just to forgive them and experience the benefits thereof.

When you let go of anger, forgiveness follows. If you find it hard to forgive someone or yourself, here’s one good thing you can do – let go of anger. But this, like forgiveness, is a process. You can’t just let go of anger that easily especially if it has caused you deep pain. What you can do is open yourself to healing. Seek therapy if needed.

When we are unable to forgive, we hold on to resentment, bitterness and anger. All these cause us to feel negative emotions that damage our physical and mental health in so many ways. Don’t feel bad if you find it hard to forgive. Many people do. But know and realise that forgiveness is possible, when you let yourself to. It’s going to be a process. You may find yourself battling with your inner self throughout the course, but forgiveness is going to ease all the pain and anger that have long lived in your heart.