10 Pervasive Myths about Happiness
Many people often buy into the myths of happiness – the beliefs that achievements in life, such as getting promoted in a job, receiving high income, and having a beautiful house, will make them forever happy while certain adversities like having little money or getting a divorce won’t make them happy ever again. Below are some of the greatest myths that might be holding you back from experiencing lasting genuine happiness.
You need a partner to be happy.
Many people are depressed about the fact that they are single. This thinking can be very toxic because it hinders you from recognising the power of resilience and the positive side of singlehood. According to the book “Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatised, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After” by Bella dePaulo, Ph.D., many studies show that single individuals are no less happy than their married peers. It is also possible for singles to find happiness in other relationships, such as the ones they form with families, friends and organisations.
Fame and richness can make you happy.
Some people think that if they are unhappy now, they can be happy once they’ve reached a certain level of success and prosperity. They would strive harder to earn a lot so they can buy a new car, the latest gadgets, and other luxuries in life. But when such kind of happiness proves elusive or temporary, it only leads to a feeling of emptiness, and eventually to depression. This does not mean however that we should stop caring about success. Dreams constitute a significant portion of happiness. But for us to experience lasting happiness from them, the focus should not be on how successful we are, but what we do with our success.
Happiness is a destination.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination or an acquisition. Although marriage, money, and fame can contribute to happiness, the positive feelings associated with these things are only short-lived. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, author of “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want”, they only account for 10 per cent of your whole happiness picture. Genuine happiness has more to do with how you behave and think – all the things that you have control of.
Happiness is about marrying the right person.
One of the most pervasive myths about happiness is the belief that we can be happy by finding the right person to be with for the rest of our life. Marriage itself does not make you happy, but the kind of relationship you create in it. In 2003, American and European researchers found that the happiness boost from marriage lasts an average of only two years. So after this period, many people who feel something is missing in their marriage tend to believe that there’s something wrong with themselves or with their partners. Couples can restore the sizzle in their married life by trying new things together and resolving each conflict as it arrives.
You can’t be happy once your intimate relationship has fallen apart.
It is a normal reaction to feel sad and somehow depressed over a failed relationship. But many people think that after a divorce or a breakup, they can’t be happy ever again. The truth is that we are remarkably resilient. It may take years but definitely, everyone can recover from being broken-hearted.
Getting your dream job would make you happy.
Nothing beats the feeling of being hired into your dream job. But why is it that many people who have finally achieved their dream careers still experience a considerable level of sadness and disappointment? This can be explained by the concept of hedonic adaptation or the remarkable capacity of humans to become habituated or inured to most life changes. Even if you love what you are doing, there are still moments when you will feel so ‘caught up’ with it, stressed, and sad. The key is to understand that it is natural to become habituated to the novelty, excitement, and challenges of a new job. So don’t expect that it’s going to be a smooth ride. There are bumps along the way. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be a worthwhile experience.
Having a dire disease prevents happiness.
It is normal to lament on the thought of having a serious physical or mental condition. But this does not mean that a person can’t be happy anymore. In fact, being diagnosed of an illness offers an opportunity for growth and finding purpose in life. Many studies have shown that we have the power to decide what to experience and what not to. By paying more attention to the positive aspects of life, and not the miseries that come with the illness, you allow positivity to take control of your life and uplift your sense of well-being. A large body of research have shown that optimism has a huge impact on mental and physical well-being. In one study, conducted by Duke University Medical Centre, researchers found that optimism is a strong predictor of overall survival in patients with cardiovascular disease.
Happiness declines with age.
It is a common belief that as we advance in age, our level of happiness gets lower. In a report published in The Economist, when people start out on adult life, they are on average, pretty cheerful. But the level of happiness goes down from youth to middle age until they have reached a certain period, called ‘mid-life crisis’. Surprisingly however, things get better after that. This is just one of the many studies showing that older people are generally happier and more satisfied with life than the younger people. They also tend to experience more positive emotions and fewer negative ones, and are less likely to be affected by stress. This only shows that youth and emerging adulthood are not really the sunniest times of life.
Happiness is all about hedonism.
There’s more to happiness than eating ice cream, shopping, travelling and doing other pleasurable activities. Research shows that altruism, which includes kindness, compassion and generosity, can lead to lasting happiness. Neuroscientist Jordan Grafman from the National Institute of Health found that the pleasure centres in the brain that are activated when we experience pleasure (such as money, sex and food) are also activated when we observe other people giving money to charities. Another study by the Harvard Business School suggests that giving to others increases well-being more than spending money for your own does.
One-size fits it all.
If you’re looking for the ‘wonder cure’ or the ‘magic formula’ to happiness, you are bound to be disappointed. There is no single way to enhance happiness. What may have worked for others may not work for you. However, there are time-tested strategies that can improve your well-being, such as being compassionate, forgiving, and understanding to other people.
By taking note of these happiness myths, you can eliminate the hurdles that are keeping you from being completely happy. Whilst there is nothing wrong with striving for success, fame and fortune, the joy they bring are only temporary. What is more important is the process or the journey by which you obtain all these things. Being positive, extending a helping hand to others, building life resilience, and loving yourself as you would love others are among the best ways to find your summum bonum – your ultimate happiness.
Dear Readers,
Can you suggest other ways to promote happiness and well-being? Share your comment below.
©Copyright 2013 by http://www.naturaltherapyforall.com Counselling Brighton All Rights Reserved.